Man is this song ever my song right now. I keep listening to it over and over again… but then I LOVE Rent. I hope to see the Broadway musical soon.

Anyway! Here's the song!

So I’m sitting here, watching it rain while working away… and the perfect song came on. I thought I’d share it with you all….

Lyrics:
She walked by the ocean,
And waited for a star,
To carry her away.

Feelin’ so small,
At the bottom of the world,
Lookin’ up to God.

She tries to take deep breaths,
To smell the salty sea,
As it moves over her feet.

The water pulls so strong,
And no-one is around,
And the moon is looking down.

Sayin’,
Rosie – come with me,
Close your eyes – and dream.

The big ships are rollin’,
And lightin’ up the night,
And she calls out, but they just her pass by.

The waves are crashin’,
But not making a sound,
Just mouthing along.

Sayin’,
Rosie – come with me,
Close your eyes and dream,
Close your eyes and dream,
Close your eyes and dream.

Song:

So! Today I've moved out of Mari and Britt's apartment. Mari and Britt are two of the most WONDERFUL women and have been supporting me in many many ways for the last six months. I can't even begin to explain how beautiful these two are. They've helped me financially and they've been a rock for me emotionally as well as helped give me some of my "gay" culture in the world. They are fun, lovable, and will eat sushi with me any time I want! hehe.

Now I'm moving on to a house in Vancouver, on "The Drive." Right now, there's only five of us living in the house but that's because lots of people are away for the summer. Usually there's more! The house is amazing. Its a four-story co-ed house with 7 rooms, four bathrooms, two kitchens, and a laundry room! Two of my friends here also live here although they are both away on vacation right now. It's pretty sweet! I'll post pictures at some point. Right now I'm just sorta sitting here, loving the place! Also, there's a dog here named Pippin! How awesome is that!? Not as awesome as Mari and Britt but its pretty up there!

So I’m sitting here in the Waves Coffee shop, enjoying my delicious Green Matcha Frapp, and a song came on the radio that had the wonderful effect of jetting me back to 10 years ago. I can’t believe this song is even that old, but I thought I’d post it and share the memories!

This song was one of my favorites that got put on the player over and over again… and apparently its the same theme tonight! Check it out!

Mouth by Merril Bainbridge

I have found what I believe to be the most perfect set of sounds to listen to as they day starts for me. There's this amazing beat to the song "Everyday is a Holiday" by Esthero that I feel like my very heart beat aligns to its pulses. The harmony in the song is beautiful, a sound my ears could listen to any time.

I love it when I find perfect songs. My college friends and I used to talk about everyone having a soundtrack for life, where the perfect song comes on at the most perfect time, describing your life exactly. You know, when something occurs in your day and you find yourself tuning into the music playing just at the right time and it seems to speak to you and uplift you in a way that nothing else could? That's the soundtrack to life! There's nothing cooler than recognizing a moment like that.

I've had so many amazing things happen since I last posted a blog entry here. I've started, or rather will be starting, practicing a cappella with the others who are in the group. Volleyball has ended and we're now going outdoor for volleyball. I've been working on completing a few projects, and trying to find more US-based work so that I can have money. I'm starting a fitness program, primarily weight lifting right now. I've lost 18 pounds by changing my diet.

Best of all, it's finally summer here in Vancouver! It's been a bit hot but not unbearable, at least for me. I'm moving to The Drive in August, and that's exciting! There's so much cool stuff that goes on there that it'll be fun to be admist of all of the life music and … people.

Overall, there's just so much amazingness going on for me these days that there's only joy! I mean, sometimes I react a bit, like my situation at the border the other day (okay that was more than 'a bit' but you know…) but overall I'm pretty content. I've got amazing friends both online and here in Vancouver/Burnaby. I am not even sure I could or even would ask for my life to be any different than it is now.

So, I admit… I love having birthday parties for myself. Throughout my childhood and teen years I’d only really had a handful of parties each year so once I got out of college I began to throw a party with my most intimate friends. We’d usually go to Dave & Busters and play fun games until we were tired of that and then I’d go out to Sardos Lounge and drink lots and sing lots of Karaoke.

This year, I feel like my friends circle has grown quite large since I got to Vancouver so I decided to give it a shot with a party. I invited everyone I knew up here and quite a bit of those people showed up to the party (even after several confusing plan-changes). It was truly fantastic to get to spend time with these people!

And presents! Let me just take a few minutes out right now to talk about the presents I got (of which we’ll post pictures of soon while I formulate my massive thank you’s). Apparently money was collected from a dozen or so people and They collectively bought me … AN IPOD!!! HOLY COW.

Like, an iPod is REALLY something I was wanting! I love it! But wait! There’s more! The iPod also came with a little alarm/player thing that I can sit it in and play music on speakers. RAD. And also this really super fabulous pink tool kit that I had been wanting for a long time! So I will be sending the official Thank Yous tomorrow to everyone involved but, really, THANK YOU OMG!

Tonight at my party, One person brought me some Quinoa, Blue Agave Sweetener, and Almond Butter to encourage me to continue with my healthy lifestyle. I also got an amazing gift certificate to Miranda’s Hat and a really cool spa kit, as well as some cards. Thank you to all of you who participated in this event!

I know there’s some people who would have liked to come but couldn’t for one reason or another and so I wanted to thank you too! You’re willingness to share yourselves like that means a lot to me!

That’s about it for now! I’ll post pictures of the wonderful iPod ensemble tomorrow! *hugs*

Today was one of those days where I got failure data at nearly every corner. I'm exaggerating a bit but then that's what I do! I exaggerate. I say "a million" in place of… 12. I say "I'm SOOO tired," in place of "I'm tired." As if the exaggeration somehow makes it better. Regardless of my exaggeration habits, it was still one of "those" days.

Getting feedback or failing isn't usually a big problem for me. I've always tried to take a really positive position on "failing" and what that meant for me, but sometimes I fail at that. Yes, I think I meant to be ironic. Not just ironic, but TOTALLY ironic (exaggeration habit, just in case you needed a flashing arrow). I think that I seem to have a problem with it when the failure feedback feels more like a punishment than anything else. I don't know why that aspect really bothers me but I've seen it crop up a few times in the last several weeks so its worth looking at.

My day started out with a meeting that failed to happen. This wasn't a big deal at all as its just the nature of the biz. Going forward, however, I decided to make boiled eggs for breakfast (as is my usual course) and one of my eggs began to chirp after it was boiled. Now… a chirping egg is kind of creepy, but a chirping BOILED egg was like a ghost was sitting right next to me petting my hair and singing eerie songs to me. I was sitting in a stricken panic as I tried to find logic in what was happening. I think I sat there, thinking or trying to think, for 15 minutes before I even thought to google the chirping boiled egg and get information on it. My mind was filled with horrid thoughts of a melted baby chic letting out its last few chirps. By the time I started my research, I was convinced that the baby chic, who's name would have been Reba, must have had its little beak melted off during the boiling process and was just sitting in the egg trapped, crying to be let loose. It couldn't crack its way out because the beak was melted. it couldn't move because its body was melted. It could only chirp.

Google says that boiled egg will chirp when air is forced through its porous membranes.

Well, okay. I'm still not going to eat eggs any time soon.

The whole day was kind of like that. Events happened, I reacted and stayed in that "mood" for a while.

Later I was hanging out with some amazing friends of mine, talking about my reactions to the chirping and everything else. I was re-living the emotions of the day while talking to them and suddenly found myself embarrassed and unable to really focus. What happened next, however, was so cool that I don't know if I'll ever forget the experience. My friend, who is an actress, took me through a series of emotion changes that completely got me out of my embarrassment state. The process was SO amazing. I went from embarrassed, to DEEPLY embarrassed, to calmer, to excited to intense and then to peacefulness. It was the first real experience I have ever had with any sort of "being the thing I'm thinking about" which some may call acting.

Anyway, my walk tonight was much shorter than usual so I'm going to try to opt for a slightly longer one tomorrow. I only went for 20 minutes tonight. I'm beginning to feel a bit unsafe in my neighborhood, so the later I procrastinate the walk, the shorter it gets.

In other news, my birthday party is coming up soon! I'm in the process of changing venues for it to a Vancouver based venue to make it easier for the guests to show up. It should be fun and probably my biggest party yet, if all goes according to my plans at any rate. I'll be 29 on Monday! One more year till 30! The party an 80s themed potluck style event. I have to get an outfit still. Mari and Britt are going to load an 80s playlist on one of their iPods to play throughout the evening. Hopefully the weather will be excited for my party as well!

I have an early day tomorrow, meetings meetings meetings. Time to retire for the night.

"Your face is your fortune, so some wise man spoke. My face is my fortune, that's why I'm totally broke." ~Bette Midler

The last couple of months or so I've been really focused on my body and what's going on with it. I've been severely obese for the last 10 years and have never really felt motivated, without the accompanied low self-esteem feelings of doom and gloom and outcast, to change my situation. Trying to change your body because you feel bad about yourself is the fastest road to not actually loosing weight, from my experience.

I was walking down a hill here in Burnaby about a month and a half ago, when I suddenly felt this great big flash of lightening hit my brain. As "Hook's" Smee said, "I fink I just had an apostrophe!" It was one of those moments where a thought comes into your brain and changes the way you see the world. Anyway, I was walking down the hill minding my own business when I thought, "I don't need pop." That single thought seemingly changed the way I view my body and health forever. As I continued down the hill, I felt happy that I had come to such a conclusion. I've had thousands of people suggest to me that I give up Dr. Pepper and pop in general. I always fought the idea because I was the Dr. Pepper Girl! I liked that I was defined that way and I couldn't imagine giving up that piece of me. This wonderful realization I had was a recognition that Dr. Pepper and pop doesn't actually define me at all. And that life IS much better and more energetic without the need for this inanimate object to define me.

Ever since then I've been on this journey to trade out all of the unhealthy activities I have allowed myself to do for healthy ones. I'm starting my new weight loss goal plan with a cleanse.

Cleanses are interesting. Either you're the kind of person who is vehemently against using natural herbs and elements to adjust your body, or you're the kind of person who thinks its okay. Very rarely have I ran into someone who was apathetic or without opinion on the matter. This cleanse that I'm doing is different than most as it lets you eat food, which is great. Its called the Wild Rose cleanse. I'm only on day one of it but I'm feeling optimistic.

As part of my new choice in a healthy lifestyle, I'm having to learn everything about food and proteins and calories and vitamins, etc. I've chosen to go vegetarian for a while, possibly forever, but at least until I get my weight to a healthy status, so I have to be careful to eat foods that have protein in them and get a well balanced set of food. Once I get my metabolism on the right path, I don't think that it'll be difficult to shed the pounds.

Exercise is also key to this whole healthy thing. Every day I'm walking a minimum of 15 minutes but in reality I'm actually walking close to 45 minutes every day. 30 more consistent days of doing this and reporting it and I'll be able to add another exercise to my routine.

So, I'm right on the cusp of some big changes for me. Its incredible to think of the potential that could come out of it!

Mari, my lovely roommate asked me the other day, "Tabby, when you're skinny do you think you will look as pretty?" I thought to myself a bit and smiled. "As always," I responded. Yay for health goals!

Everyone has their own method in curing the hiccups. What is yours?

I've been thinking about the phrase "to beat the odds" for the last few days and find how interesting it is that this phrase means something totally different to each individual. In particular, I was thinking about a romantic relationship I recently got out of, and what it was that I gained from that relationship. I think that there's something to be said about a person when they're attempting to "beat the odds" of whatever situation applies to them, and I think that's one of the things that most attracted me to my ex.

Sometimes, the only way to truly understand a person is to really try to imagine how you might feel if you were in their shoes, walking their mile. Sometimes that's hard to do, but necessary to fully understand and have compassion.

Today marks a significant anniversary for me and my ex. It was a year ago today that she attempted to "beat the odds" of her leaving her safe, free, loving home to live on her own. Her odds were stacked against her from the start, but she was able to beat them for many months. It reminds me of the determination I had as a college freshman, leaving home for the first time ever, determined that I didn't need anyone in order to survive. There's been a significant amount of mistakes between then and now. The initial moving stage was fearful. I had no idea how to do anything that my parents typically did for me, although I was probably more self-sufficient than many teens since I had been taught a lot of different things growing up about living and fixing things and chores, etc.

The feeling of not knowing the next stage was not fun. I think for me personally that's about the age that I decided that decisions were not for me. I started defaulting to the first choice anyone ever gave me, because I didn't want to weigh all of the options due to that icky yucky fear I had about being self-sufficient. Besides, picking the first choice WAS deciding, or so I told myself.

Bringing that back around, now that I've reveled in my own past, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for Heather to leave her home and try to make it on her own. I think that to deal with that must have taken quite a bit of courage, considering she had considerable less knowledge of the real world that I did at the time. I know that her acts of courage lead me to be a considerably different person in the world and in the way I see things, and ultimately, I thank her for the wonderful experiences she brought to my life!