Soy Sauce

I suppose “Soy Sauce” is as good a title as anything else I could come up with right now. If there’s one thing that I’ve never liked doing, writing-wise, its coming up with the first paragraph and coming up with a title. My titles will always fall short of excellence so–I’ll just make up random words from here on out–I’ve decided.

Yes folks, its time for my erm…supposed-to-be-monthly-or-more update.

Life’s been so unpredictably–uh—unpredictable (does that cancel the phrase out?) that it’s really quite hard to pinpoint exact moments of joy or whatever the opposite of joy is. I shall try though. Because my reader (if even that) must not be let down on this update!

This summer has gone my amazingly quick. I’ve spent approximately 7/10ths of it in front of a computer. I’m not so sure whether I should be totally proud of that fact or whether I should be hanging my head in nerdy shame. Either way, I’ve gotten a lot done–even after all of my poor excuses and refined procrastination techniques.

I spent all of four days in Texas this summer. I haven’t been to Texas at all since my Summer of Abandonment two years ago (if you’re curious–just ask), and I’m convinced that I was a much more balanced individual because of it. The mention of the word “Texas” puts a bitter taste in my mouth. The whole state is rotten. I could stand on the border of that state, in another state, and be content. The minute I’m shoved over the line–bitterness.

It took me approximately two weeks to recover from my four day stint in Texas. During those two weeks all of my friends (save about–two) were the lucky recipients of Tabby!Anger! I was sick and tired of everything, everyone, and their antics. I avoided people like the plague. I told people off. I got pissed over really small and really stupid things. I got offended over things equally small and stupid. I also decided I like the flavor of Margaritas and I didn’t care if it was a one-way ticket to loserville if I drank by myself.

I don’t regret going to loserville for those two weeks though. Sometimes I think we need to wallow. We really do. Usually, when the five-letter “T” word isn’t involved, I let myself wallow for 24 hours, formulate a “my life will get better” plan, and move on. But when the “T” word happens, its like a nose-dive with an inexperienced pilot–very hard to pull up. It just goes to show you that I’m becoming more experienced and can pull up much quicker nowadays. I just wish I didn’t have a really dumb plane to begin with I guess.

Anyway, moving on…work has been extremely challenging and yet extremely stressful. I love the challenges. I hate feeling like I’m being watched all the time. Everyone tells me I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do. The positive side, however, is that I am making some awesome work. I’m so proud of the sites that I maintain and the hard work I put into them. I have no doubt that I’m doing a good job.

My boss wants us to make widgets. That word is bounced across the office so much now that its becoming as silly as the word “fork”. But my widgets will be cool–as soon as I find time in my “spare time” to learn the Konfabulator program. Our new programmer has been standing me up with the widgets though. He’s already made several while I’m barely breathing with the amounts of work that I have to do.

At any rate, regardless of all this stress and long work hours and political crap, I feel really good about where I am. I have solid goals. I know where I want to be, professionally, in two or three years from now. That much I’ve decided on. I want to program for the entertainment industry. My dream job would be to have an “Official Website” business for celebrities (both actors/actresses and musicians). I’m going to try to work my way up the ranks though. I really want the shot at designing something gorgeous behind the scenes for people who deserve the recognition.

Outside of me, myself, and I–I guess I could update on my family. My mother is still renting a room from my ex-step-dad. I haven’t talked to them since I got back from the “T” word. Although my ex-step-dad did send me sooper-sekrit pictures of China which I have been asked not to post online since the Chinese are so sensitive. What’s funny is that I didn’t get what my dad meant by that at all until later when discussing the idea with others. I thought he was just going on stereotypes, but he really meant that the government of China does control a lot of Chinese material on the Internet. So, now that I know that, yay.

My brother and his new wife, Amber, seem to be doing well. I got to meet my new nephew, Brennan, and see Ryan. Ryan is full of vinegar that’s for sure, but its cute vinegar dressed up in “oooooh kids are so cute” attire. My youngest brother is freaking 17 years old! He’s about to start his junior year in high school and if there is anyone in this world that I admire more than my grandmother, it is this young man. He’s grown up amongst chaos and is still a really decent boy. I am simply in awe of him. Of course, he has yet to go to college and “find himself” so we’ll see how long that lasts.

My biological father was in a half-way house for a while. He went from carnie (yay!carnie!) back to being a crack head. His use of crack got him and his brother in a bind (his brother is also a crack head) so my biodad decided to stop the nonsense once and for all and admitted himself to a halfway house.

He’s out of it now–the halfway house. He went back home to my biograndmother to help with my uncle, who is now dying of cirrhosis of the liver from drinking too much. Six months–they say. In a big way, I’m glad I never knew him. I don’t need that kind of stress. In a small way, I do feel a bit sad about it–he was my dad’s best friend. That’s got to be tough to watch him just fade away.

And on that lovely gem–I’m done updating. Regardless of my family’s circumstances, life is good. I have no time to do much of anything, but regardless. Its good.

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