I’ve been sitting here at the dining table trying to think of something clever to write here as I’ve watched my battery drain down from 20% to 10% now. It’s in the red and I’ve got about five minutes until it turns off so I thought, hey, what the heck, I’ll just start typing. If I just start typing then perhaps i can figure out something clever to write and then finally perhaps go to bed and sleep. Sleep has been really rare for me these days. I have rehearsal really late several nights of the week and the rehearsals go so awesomely that I am super pumped by the time that I get home and its just so hard to fall asleep so I toss and turn and toss and turn and then the next thing you know, the alarm clock on my phone is ringing fur Elise and I have to push snooze several times to give myself the false sense that by doing that somehow I am getting more sleep and restoring more energy when i’m really not restoring that much energy because i spend each of those 10 minutes anticipating the next ring.
Anyway, I’ve had so much on my mind these days. I am dealing with this sort of duality of seeing injustice in the world and then seeing my own response to it and how its more often than not just as violent in nature as the injustice that I see. I don’t really get why i respond the way I do but I do know that it would be awesome if i could look out into the world, see injustice, form a plan of action, and then move on it… without the whole blubbery “what am i going to do now” sort of thing going on. I mean i think its natural to get mad at stuff, but then there’s the step after that that is just so distracting and time consuming to fixing the injustice… i think that makes sense.
Like, i remember when I lived in Hawaii, we had a hurricane (Ike) come through. Everyone was just so scared it seemed. People were getting the supplies they needed but then everyone was just sitting around, talking about how scared they are. I felt scared but I felt more like making sure things were in order to ensure that we would survive it. I mean, we didn’t know. I’d never been in a hurricane before and I had no idea what to even expect. I was 12 for heavens sake. I remember not really getting it as to why everyone was so crazy. heh… until of course I grew up and realized that we’re all just crazy when it comes to catastrophe even in our own way. i mean even the people who are silent and not “freaking out” seem to be freaking out.
Anyway, going to go to bed now. I’m not going to worry about spell checking this post or grammar checking it. I usually don’t on my free-form posts anyway because this is exactly how it comes out and well… hell.. I’m proud of that!
Peace out folks! love to the peeps!