I saw this phrasing online once and thought, “cool. sounds beautiful.” From my very early days of being online and having my own website, the title I gave my website was “uniform DiSaRrAy” and it’s always been fitting in nearly every little nook and cranny of my life, even to this day. When I think about most of my life, I always remember this feeling of “swirl” as if the tabby-tornado ever-spinning. Some people call it “drama.” I guess so, but I don’t even know what its like without the low hum of the crouching twister.
Effects of the lifestyle I have include a lot of things like…. oh…. loosing my keys constantly. Or if its not about loosing them, its about dropping them even when I have a firm grip (oh my gosh does that ever both me!). I also twist words around when I speak, or my voice goes out right when I need it most, or all of a sudden i need paperwork that I know I’ve lost for years and it takes digging through four boxes of paper before I find it, but in the mean time I’ve found tons of treasures of paper that aren’t helping me in the moment. Or I run perpetually late to every single meeting for the day. Or I am wide awake at 4:00a.m. because I forgot to pick up my thyroid prescription and my body is revolting… thinking somehow that staying awake will help regulate things. I keep trying to tell it that its wrong, but it won’t have any of that.
So, with all of that, how do I manage? Systems. Lists. Consistency. And a little bit of swearing.
Routines are incredibly important for me to establish. If I don’t have a routine, then I loose track of the day. I keep calendar after calendar available so that I can keep track of all of my commitments and promises… when I keep them and break them. I have a specific place that I keep my keys so that I and others can find them when needed. I have to disconnect, at times, from the phone or social networks to avoid getting distracted by having this human connection with people, because otherwise I’d spend all day connecting and no time keeping my commitments. I leave the house and work at a coffee shop so that I can focus better. I make lists to check off when I start to feel like I’m a little bit crazy. Don’t worry, I haven’t heard any voices. And then finally, I allow myself to express when I feel frustrated or sad or angry or fearful. That’s probably the thing that helps the most, is not punishing myself for having human emotions in times of chaos. Mostly this method is designed for those special key-dropping moments or, you know, when I trip up the stairs.
So, how do you manage your chaos? Post and let me know!